This month’s newsletter is from Darren Hilton, an Executive Coach who happens to live a stone’s throw from me but who I had never met before bumping into him at a mutual friend’s birthday party! He has lots to add to the GoodHR offering and so I invited him to share his tips on how to give feedback – which neatly follows hard on the heels of the most recent newsletter giving top tips on how to hold a ‘good’ appraisal. So do read his pearls of wisdom and if you would like to speak to him directly his contact details are at the end of this newsletter……
Ever received feedback that really stings? Or been given insight into how you’re experienced by others, challenging your self-perception but at the same time encouraging you to change your behaviour? Maybe you’ve been given the s**t sandwich method? You hear the positive comments, but the mountain of negatives makes anything positive seem like a distant memory.
These conversations could be the most enlightening we will ever experience and yet they are often awkward, may avoid the difficult topics or deliver in a way that is difficult to digest, let alone do anything about. Feedback opportunities often arrive alongside annual appraisals or performance reviews – they can lead to a stressful situation for both parties, especially when they are linked to salary and bonus reviews.
And yet feedback given in a caring and challenging way can be very effective too. It can help the receiver of the feedback to:
- recognise their strengths and learn how to play to them more actively;
- understand how they may become derailed in certain situations and how to reduce this;
- receive recognition for previous and current performance;
- receive encouragement for future projects.
So instead of avoiding feedback, or delivering it ineffectively, you may want to try a different approach. Stephen M. R. Covey’s comment, that we often judge ourselves by our intentions and other by their behaviours, is a good place to start to get to the heart of what is often missed:
- When setting up your feedback session, share your intention for the feedback in a way that makes the person feel valued and demonstrates that you have their best intentions at heart.
- Explain what you would like to discuss, without going into detail, and ask if it is a good time for them to have this type of conversation. Gaining permission is often ignored and yet it can ensure the conversation feels balanced and provides the recipient with some control.
- Discuss in the context of your, or others’, perceptions of observed behaviours, which avoids it feeling like a character assassination.
- Try to understand what was going on for the person, from their perspective.
- Ask questions that reveal their intentions, what was driving these behaviours, where they were coming from, what were they trying to achieve.
- Discuss the gap between the outcomes they achieved and their intentions, whether these were consistent and acceptable.
- Discuss what other options might be available, agree how they will implement them and how this can be reviewed.
Common elephant traps
- Both parties often prepare for the meeting by building up perceptions and stories that can be unhelpful and setting up a dynamic that may work against their intentions.
- Managers may rush to get the negative out of the way and then flower it up with positives, brushing over the important feedback and leaving the employee confused about what is being said and what they can do about it.
- Managers may avoid the negative and simply focus on the operational, making it a transactional experience rather than a developmental one.
- Without clarity about what changes are expected both parties can come away believing they have achieved their aim and yet may be at opposite ends.
- Trust can be broken because neither party says what they mean.
So, what is the pay-off?
- The way you give feedback is as important as the feedback itself.
- Setting people up properly to receive feedback is crucial.
- Taking an enquiring stance can help to appreciate what is really going on.
- When you understand what is really going on, you have a better chance of changing behaviour and performance.
- When handled well trust will increase and openness to feedback can encourage continuous learning.
If you would like any advice, please do contact Darren Hilton at darren@tappingthesource.com or call him on +44 7740 172759
From Nicola at nicola.goodridge@goodhr.co.uk or call +44 7917878384
